A Transgender Man’s Journey To Ordination
Shannon T.L. Kearns made news last week as a transgender man who will be ordained in the North American Old Catholic Church. The following is Shannon’s reflection on his calling to ordination.
My journey to ordination has been a winding one. I felt a call to ministry at a young age, but it seemed that everything about me was a barrier to fulfilling that call. I grew up in an evangelical church that didn’t ordain women and where I thought no LGBT people even existed.
As a transgender man, I spent the first part of my life being perceived as female, which meant I couldn’t be ordained. I struggled against the rules of the church and tried to find ways to serve, but I always felt pushed to the margins. I majored in youth ministry in college and was told that, at best, I could teach Sunday School, but under no circumstances could I be a youth pastor.
While in college two major things happened: I was introduced to churches that ordained women, and I began to admit to myself that I was attracted to women. I had no idea that transgender people existed at the time; even though I was uncomfortable with my body and my gender identity, I had no language to express what I was experiencing. The only conclusion I could come to was that I must be gay.
While I was thrilled to think that maybe my gender would no longer prove to be a barrier to ordination, now I worried that my sexual orientation would.
I was in my twenties when I finally began to hear about transgender people. I read everything about the subject that I could get my hands on and things just clicked. Finally I had language to explain my identity. Finally I had words that I could attach to myself that made sense. I came out as transgender in my second year of seminary at Union Theological in New York City. I was supported by the staff and faculty (even if they didn’t quite know what to make of me) and by most of my classmates. But here was another barrier. Lesbian and Gay people were starting to be ordained in some denominations, but it was still a tough go for transgender people. Even if I could manage to get ordained, there was still a good chance that no church would hire me.
At some point I began to wonder if I was really called to be in ministry. Surely I must have misunderstood. Surely it shouldn’t be this difficult. Even though I was so tired of struggling, of fighting to be at peace with myself, and to find a place in the church I just couldn’t leave. And I couldn’t shake my feeling of being called.
I discovered the North American Old Catholic Church in an unexpected way: on Twitter. The presiding Archbishop Michael Seneco started following my account and then reached out to me via email. He wanted to get the word out that the NAOCC ordained transgender people and he wanted my help. The more we talked about the NAOCC, the more it seemed like it might be the home I was looking for.
The North American Old Catholic Church is an independent Catholic group that welcomes and ordains women, LGBTQ people, married and partnered people, and people who have been divorced. They are concerned with social justice and new church starts. They trace their history back to the See of Utrecht, with a formal split from Roman Catholicism in the 1700’s over the doctrine of papal infallibility.
I had long been drawn to Catholic thought and tradition. I was inspired by the life and witness of the monastics, of Dorothy Day, and of Philip and Daniel Berrigan, but felt that as a queer person I would never be welcome in the church. I was amazed to find a Catholic tradition that would not only welcome me, but would ordain me as well.
The life of Catholicism is one of deep contemplation that fuels action for justice. I find strength in the rituals to get out there and make change in the world.
My experience as a transgender man has also influenced my theology. Growing up I was taught about a God who thought that flesh was bad and sinful and so it made sense that I didn’t like my body very much (and did everything I could to ignore it). But when I finally came out as transgender and began to make peace with my body, I experienced a new take on theological concepts like the incarnation, crucifixion, and resurrection. These were no longer just terms to be understood, but things I had experienced. I embraced the idea that there was divinity to be found in human bodies and experiences, that even when our bodies are complicated and left with scars they are still beautiful, and that resurrection happens not only after death but every time we choose to live when it would be easier not to.
I believe that God is concerned with our flesh and blood and wants us to love each other in all of our imperfect flesh. I believe God wants us to get our hands dirty working for justice in the world. I believe restoration isn’t some heady concept, but rather, it’s something that happens when we work together.
As I look back on my journey, both to finding peace with my identity and to ordination, I see that my experience of being alienated from church, of being pushed to the margins (or pushed out entirely), influences how I approach my ministry as a priest. I feel called to walk with other people on the margins, to create spaces where they can worship as all of who they are, where there are no barriers to the Eucharistic table. I will be starting a new parish, House of the Transfiguration, in Minneapolis. My experiences of feeling excluded inform the mission of the church. We will work to be a place that welcomes all people and works for justice.