Facebook Friends: Conversations With The Past
This morning, I awoke to a disturbing message on Facebook from one of my college roommates. “You are wrong. The Bible in no way supports your life. I cannot support nor ignore this decision while you claim to be a Christian. I am going to un-friend you,” it said.
Her feelings about my life choices are not surprising to me, given that she and I were very different in college. However, I was surprised that she felt the need to cut the relationship off—a Facebook relationship, nonetheless.
It surprises me that some Christians believe that God is in favor of severing relationships with those who are different from us. Where in the Bible, or in the life of Jesus, does this message appear?
My partner asked me if my feelings were hurt. Although I wanted it to be a resounding no, my answer was yes. My feelings were indeed hurt. How could someone I studied alongside and lived in the same small dorm room with be so offended by my life that she never wanted to hear from me again, or even read my status updates? Of course, I will get over it, and I will not allow it to get me down or hinder me from being the person I believe God made me to be, but it’s hard to deny that it hurts to be openly judged because of the way you live your life.
To be told that my God does not approve of me—the God I pray to every day, the God I’ve followed and loved and been loved by since the day I was born—is certainly painful.
I wish God could be taken out of the argument all together. Had my roommate said, “I don’t know what God really thinks about this because I’m not in the mind of God, but I don’t like who you are, or what you’re doing,” she may have been justified. And although the rejection would still hurt, at least God would be kept out of it. When God is brought into the conversation, it’s like saying, “I have the ultimate power and authority to say what I’m saying. Thus says the Lord. It’s a closed case!”
In my response to this old roommate of mine, I gave her the freedom to un-friend me but asked her for one favor. I asked her if we could try to find a place of mutual respect and commonality, as we are both strong women who love God. Maybe she will realize that we are not really that different and maybe, just maybe, we can add something wonderful to each other’s lives.
What if a large part of being a Christian is loving and being in relationships with those who are fundamentally different than us? I wonder how my roommates’ message to me would have been different.
I also wonder where in my own life I’ve been pushing away those who are different than me. I believe people will continue to send me messages of rejection and I hope and pray that I can respond with grace and allow the love of God and my friends and family to heal those wounds. I hope that my old roommate, as well as others from whom I’ve received similar messages, open their hearts and minds to those who are different. And I hope I will do the same.
I hope that, instead of creating distance, I will reach out and genuinely do my best to get to know them, love them, and accept them just as they are.
To be continued…
I was originally given a weeks’ notice of my old roommate un-friending me and one month later, it still hasn’t happened, we are still “friends”. To me this is huge. I feel inspired and hopeful about what it could mean. I could be wrong, but I hope this means she’s considering allowing herself to be known by me and allowing me into her world as well. May it be so.