Out Of Order: A Filmmaker Reflects
Christy Pessagno is a videographer with THEY bklyn working on the independent documentary Out of Order, which follows the journey of three queer members of the Presbyterian Church (USA).
I once had someone ask me if I thought of myself as an activist. For a split second I felt ashamed that I couldn’t answer ‘yes’ to this question.
I don’t march, I don’t petition, and I’m far from radical. The closest I came to ‘radical’ was when I checked off the box next to Jill Stein’s name (Green Party) for POTUS in November.
I like most humans, most nature, and a solid peaceful existence. Rocking the boat is something I only do literally.
So when Julie and I got the call last year to join the Out of Order film team to dialogue, adventure, and create something that would surely rock the (religious) boat, I was excited, but felt the private and shy side of myself really try and keep the walls sturdy.
Not only was I about to embark on a very public road of critique and ideas of a huge, God-fearing institution, but I was going to be doing it from a place of very little religious knowledge based on a lifetime lack of interest.
God who? god who? Do you capitalize if you believe and leave lowercase if you don’t?
How in the world was I going to be part of a project that was smelling of both activism and religion? What did I have to offer to this kind of project?
Religion, the Christian faith in particular, has always had an immediate association with intolerance and judgment for me, and it feels quite personal in my case, since I am a queer woman.
God forbid! I mean, god forbid! Or whatever. Goddesses forbid is actually my preference.
Fast forward to being in the middle of nowhere south of the Mason Dixon line (AKA nature), with a bunch of amazing humans brave enough to fight this fight for the rights of people to be accepted, loved, and seen as equal in the Presbyterian Church (USA). These humans weren’t coming from the liberal enclaves of New York City and San Francisco, some were coming from small church communities where as an LGBTQ person, you will often have to lie about or hide who you are just to survive.
They weren’t trying to “save” others from a life of sin, but instead live peacefully within their own communities where God and the Bible (bible?) were sources of light and hope. The only religious messages they handed to me were of complete acceptance, as a non-Christian, and as a friend. I quickly learned to return that acceptance and simultaneously shed the fear.
The big question that keeps coming up and will continue to come up is WHY?
WHY do you stay in an organization that doesn’t approve of you as a person?
We spent many a night sipping on wine and discussing life, religion, and intolerance. But you know, it’s easy for me to ask WHY.
I grew up in a very loving and accepting family. I exist within a city and a community that allow me to be exactly who I am. I vote for the Green Party, because I don’t have to worry about my state voting in a Republican. I get my spiritual lifts and a small amount of guidance from a Tibetan Buddhist, Pema Chödrön. I live with a full heart surrounded by love. It’s freeing. To the point where I can understand how many people, who already feel liberated within their communities, can fathom to ask WHY.
What I do know is this struggle won’t be solved by LGBTQ and straight people leaving the church to start a new one or by leaving the small, conservative towns for more liberal ones.
This struggle will only cease when we remove the hate, judgment, and intolerance from the church.
When this finally happens, we will ALL be better off—Christians and non-Christians alike. And this is why I will stand up beside my new friends, facing my own fears and complacencies, and celebrate and create and document this journey in a way that I hope would make any activist proud.
Photo by THEY bklyn